In the Old Testament book of Ruth, we encounter a Proverbs 31 woman in action. A brief synopsis: Ruth was a Moabite who married an Israelite. Her husband died, leaving her childless. Instead of returning to her pagan parents’ home, she nobly followed her widowed mother-in-law back to Israel, professing faith in the living God. The two women were destitute, and in a society in which women were vulnerable without the protection of male relatives, they were reliant upon their neighbors’ good graces and obedience to the law to provide for sojourners and widows. Ruth worked hard to feed herself and Naomi. Her station in life was a humble one, and when she entered the fields to gather the leftovers of the harvest, she had no indication that her situation would ever change. But she was faithful, grateful, and diligent. Boaz, the owner of the fields where Ruth labored, noticed her loyalty, hard work, courage, and faith and ordered his servants to watch out for her. According to Old Testament law, when a man died his nearest relative was responsible for marrying his widow and producing an heir in the first husband’s name. By God’s divine providence, Boaz was Ruth’s husband’s closest male relative besides one man, and after a little prodding, Boaz honorably pursued Ruth through the proper channels.
The older I get, the more I relate to Ruth in my singleness. Although by God’s grace I’m neither an impoverished widow nor supporting any dependents, I understand Ruth’s situation as an unexpectedly single woman who must rely on God’s faithfulness and his gifts of resourcefulness and ingenuity to provide for herself. I have known several 21st century Ruths, some now married, others still single. In their singleness, they must provide for themselves out of necessity. They love God and others and faithfully serve in their churches and communities. They are intelligent and financially independent, successful in that they’re good at what they do, regardless of their job titles or the size of their paychecks. They all desire marriage, and while several of them enjoy their jobs and want to grow in their careers, others would love nothing more than to become stay-at-home mothers. They have to make all major and minor life decisions on their own. They purchase cars and homes, travel, earn academic degrees, and move to new cities for jobs. They hire repairmen, cook meals, walk the dog, and pay all the bills. Like Ruth, they rely on God’s direction and provision and work diligently at the callings he has given them, but they have grown frustrated by the double-edged sword of “laboring in the fields” with no Boaz in sight.
And, as Shakespeare once wrote, there’s the rub. Are men, who have a God-given desire to be providers, intimidated by women like these ladies? Do they see women who are self-supporting, bright, and often theologically well-grounded – women who are faithfully following the Lord and not frittering their lives in away in futility – and conclude that they don’t need a man? If so, I would encourage these men to take a closer look at Proverbs 31 and Ruth. The biblical examples of womanhood we find in these passages are strong women who are confident in their God and exercise their Spirit-given strength and courage in uniquely feminine ways. They are not lazy or spoiled. They work hard. They’re simultaneously tenacious and gentle. They execute decisions with wisdom and care for their families. They honor God with their faithfulness and stewardship. Several women in the New Testament show similar qualities. Think of Anna, Lydia, and Priscilla. Such a woman is a treasure, and a brother in Christ would be wise to seek a wife with a similar character, not a spoiled brat to tolerate or a competitor with whom to strive, but an able companion and partner with whom to share life’s joys, tasks, and burdens, with a commitment to love her even when she falls short.
I know that there are women who abuse these qualities, who are slaves to their jobs, who find their identities in their status and possessions, who become unfeminine in their no-holds-barred quest for authority in the workplace and in their relationships. There are also women who embrace the opposite extreme, never taking responsibility, living life as if it’s one continuous party, leaching off the generosity of others. These are aberrations, but in Jesus our femininity is being redeemed. There is beauty in the strength, work, faithfulness, and trust of a woman who has been transformed by the renewing power of the Holy Spirit. She finds her identity in the cross of Christ rather than her job or marital status, rests in God’s promises, seeks his will, works for his glory, and is content in his providence.
I once heard an older woman in a Christian bookstore counseling a younger woman about marriage. She advised, “When it comes to finding a husband, you want a Boaz, not a Bozo.” For all my sisters in the Lord who are struggling with finding a man for whom they are fit, be patient, and don’t think you have to morph into a silly woman, or worse, a seductress to attract a man. Remember Ruth followed God in faith, not knowing what the future would hold. So thank God for the blessings you have now and persevere in his calling for you. Trust the one who loves you unconditionally and had every one of your days written in his book before you were born (Psalm 139.16).
Bethany Wester
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